Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
