someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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