1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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