Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
