I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
