Have you finally orgasmed yet?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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