You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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