I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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