Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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