What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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