I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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