C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
please don't ironically join a cult
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