the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
