matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
