i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
