he shaved USA in his pubs
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
