Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
