My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
