? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need to calm my uterus...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize