I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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