he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
