Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
