Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
