Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
