My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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