I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
