I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize