Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
