We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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