Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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