i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize