I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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