Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
