it's too hot outside to masturbate.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
