I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
