I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize