There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
