it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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