You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
