Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
