Rock
Scissors
Fuck
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
