Green mimosas i think yes
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
