She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
