Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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