After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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