Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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