Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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