a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
