Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
