The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
