I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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