You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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