you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize