he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
