Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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