is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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