he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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