I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
