omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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