Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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