I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
