i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
