somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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