I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
