Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
