it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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