No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
