He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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