Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
