I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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