hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
