the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
FUCK WHALES
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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