fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
