I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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