Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
