How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
