get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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