You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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