pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
