Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
