Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
