You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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