My friends, they love my intelligence
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize