I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
