I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
