I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
