I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
