My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
