After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
