dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
