Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
