remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
