Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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