wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
