I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
