We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
