It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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