all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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