I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
