you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
