He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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