I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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