When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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